My DMs and online comments are chock full of younger guys looking for a purse, bag or sugar. One of the number one questions I get is how to secure a sugar mom.
IT IS NOT EASY TO FIND
Remember the Pool of Older Women? Remember how you are trying to appeal to the deepest end of the pool? Take that graphic and add an additional “shallows”: older women, interested in younger men, and willing to give them copious amounts of money for little in return.
Guys, this water is so shallow, it’s more like a mist.
Let me level with you: pure SUGAR MOMS ARE EXCEEDINGLY RARE.
It seems common because there is always a lot of chatter about it, the few guys who have had it are pretty loud and proud, and younger guys really want it to be a true. But it just isn’t.
Although I’ve been known to pay for dinner, hotel rooms, drinks or gas, I am not a sugar mom. I, and countless other older women, have worked hard for financial independence, and we are not about to piss money away on a flaky, younger guy for subpar, inconsistent sex. This would be stupidity on all levels.
That being said, there are older women with means who might be into spoiling decent younger men and giving them shit, but actual sugar moms are RARE.
WHERE TO FIND IT
When I’ve spoken with younger men who have found these types of arrangements, they have typically just lucked into them. There was no strategy or game plan, no website or database, no place they have gone--although these best places for meeting older women should be your first. You could start with the site Seeking Arrangements (be very wary) and maybe some alternative lifestyle sites, but most likely you just fall into it by being a good guy and doing the things I suggest.
IT COMES WITH STRINGS
There is no free ride in life, including a sugar ride. There will be expectations—usually sex or companionship or both. There will be an exchange. There will be obligations and responsibilities for being a sugar baby. She will most likely lay these out, and if you don’t adhere, you’ll be out on the streets again. Also, so many guys have been scammed by supposed sugar moms, so proceed with extreme caution!
If younger guys do secure a sugar mom, they usually blow it by not fulfilling their obligations, flaking out or being inconsistent. And while you think having regular sex with an older woman for money is an easy, no brainer, check yourself. Y’all get bored easily, you have full lives, you get girlfriends, and y’all are flaky af.
RULES OF SUGAR ENGAGEMENT
Here’s how to increase your odds of receiving largesse from an older woman.
Stop looking for an actual sugar arrangement. You’ll have better success receiving gifts because you’re an actual good, consistent guy.
Never actually use the words “sugar mom.” Don’t call it out if she’s being generous with you, except if you can make it into a joke. Why? Many older women may do nice things for you, give you access to experiences, dinners or goods/services, but it doesn’t mean they identify as a sugar mom and that those things will continue. An older woman doing nice things for you is waaaayyyyy more common than her being a sugar mom.
Up your chances of being spoiled by doing the following:
- Be a good conversationalist. (see my Manual)
- Give a shit about her pleasure. Ask her what she likes and then either go online and find out how to deliver or let her teach you.
- Be fun, appreciative, genuine, and gracious. Be a respectful gentleman.
- Be consistent. Don’t flake.
- Be honest and don’t bullshit her. She can see right through it anyway.
- Keep lines of communication open.
- If she is giving, make sure you graciously receive. Show appreciation. Be respectful. Don’t expect or act entitled. Don’t say yes to everything she offers unless that is the very clear arrangement.
- Be clear on expectations. If you’re seeing a trend of her spoiling you or giving more than you can give in return materially, just check in and communicate expectations. Here’s a conversation starter, “Hey, I really appreciate the nice things you do for me and give me. Thank you very much. I always like to manage expectations and want to make sure you are getting what you need in return.” Simple.
- Don’t put yourself in a situation you’re not comfortable with. This is a give and take.
Taken from How to Meet & Date Older Women: The Manualby Patsy Mennuti, aka Hella Cougar.